EXAMPLE TESTIMONIALS

Goji for healthy teeth

“From an early age I have always suffered from dental problems which later led to me having to use full upper and lower dentures. These dentures never fit me very well and I often was in severe pain while trying to chew my food. A friend of mine introduced me to Goji Juice and was happy to sell me a few bottles of this miracle potion. I had taken out my dentures and started drinking Goji Juice for a whole week until I woke up one morning and all my teeth had grown back. I no longer need those fake dentures anymore because all my teeth are in perfect condition thanks to Goji Juice”.
– Count V. Dracula

Goji helps combat severe chronic depression

“My life sucked. My life had sucked for many years. My wife had left me and took the kids and I had to give her the house and a lot of my money and ended up in debt because of all the circumstances in my life. Everything was bleak and negative. I wished I was dead and saw no point on living any longer. Every week my debts increased and I could no longer pay off my credit card debt either. I was so sick of it to see my bank statements arrive. Every time I opened one I felt more depressed. Then I started with Himalayan Goji Juice and all my troubles went away and I now have $60.000 in my account and am making a lot of money with very little effort. Please e-mail if you wish to purchase Goji Juice from me. Ever since I started it has solved my problems and I feel good about myself again. If you wish to also become a distributor and fight your debts and depression please give me a call.”
– Mr. C. Salesfellow

Goji Juice keeps you alive

“As you know, Goji Juice is not sold with marketing documents that prove how well it works but instead is sold based on testimonials of people who have been using Goji Juice. I have been using Goji Juice for a year until I decided to also become a distributor and help others discover the wonderful effects it provides. As a drinker of Goji Juice and a distributor it is time I shared my own experiences in the form of this testimonial that I am writing. I started drinking Goji Juice after reading a testimonial of Mr. C. Salesfellow. I had debts and was perpetually depressed. Goji Juice helped me regain control over my life but didn’t prevent me from suffering from chest pains that became severe enough that I had to be rushed to hospital. In the hospital it turned out that I was having a heart-attack. The doctors could not save me and I died shortly thereafter. As per my last wishes my family had buried me with a dozen bottles of fantastic Goji Juice. Three days after I was buried I managed to crawl out of the ground and I have never felt better in my life. I’m alive again and this is all thanks to a dozen bottles of Goji Juice. You should try this stuff out yourself, it’s known for it’s miracle powers and I’m living proof of that.
– Mr. R. Mortis

Bald? Not with Goji Juice!

“Over the past few years I had lost all my hair and became bald. I had a hard time picking up single woman in the singles bars that I often attend, cruising for attention, cruising for a bit of action. It was horrible to have my social life destroyed by something as simple as being bald beyond my own doing. Someone recommended drinking Goji Juice and while there were some noticeable effects my hair was not growing back as fast as I would have liked. I read the testimonial of Mrs. Dolores Dufus and poured the bottle of Goji Juice over my head. After five weeks and 20 bottles I have now grown back all my hair and more. I am really happy and will be hitting the singles bars again soon in search of some action. Everyone will be so surprised to see I now have more hair than Cousin IT. I have so much hair that Captain Caveman would envy me.”
– Mr. B. Cranium

Goji Juice is the miracle cure against unsolicited e-mail (spam)

“Are you tired of receiving unsolicited e-mail, also known as spam, in your mailbox? Do you wish to get rid of those nasty bullshit messages in which they offer you things that will make you rich or will cure you of your illness? The answer is to start buying a lot of Goji Juice from me. The more Goji Juice you buy from me the fewer messages I will send you about my offer of Goji Juice. If you buy enough Goji Juice from me I will see to it you will never again receive a spam message offering Goji Juice. If you also buy Goji Juice from my fellow distributors we will stop posting our spam to newsgroups, web forums, and your mailbox because you will be a valued customer worthy of our respect and consideration. Goji Juice really is the one and only miracle cure against spam. Trust me.”
– Mr. U. N. Trustworthy

Goji Juice helps to combat severe brain damage

“Huh…. the dude I buy my Goji Juice from axed me to write down my experience with the stuff. Well huh ok then. I used to be a serious drug user and spent more money to blow crap up my nose and in my veins than anyone else. Many years of drug abuse has damaged my brain they say. Hum, well, the doctors say it is damaged and that I have turned into a stupid and dumb moron that can no longer live a normal life. I sayz that is not true. I have started drinking that stuff, you know, Goji Juice man. My buddy that sells it to me sayz to me that after I started drinking 5 bottles a day I am doing much better. I have to trust his judgment. He is my friend so he probably knows what he talks about. I will keep drinking 5 bottles a day and I hope that my stupidity will go away. Uhhh, this stuff is great man, my friend can also sell you some of this good stuff. What are you waiting for dude, get rid of brain damage now.”
– Mr. T. Moron Jr.

Goji Juice, the miracle cure for gastritis and intestinal problems

“I have been suffering from intestinal and colon problems for a long time now and normal traditional medicine and health care have been unable to help me. After searching the world for a cure I discovered Goji Juice. Goji Juice is made from a plant that is known for being a miracle cure of some sort. I could not find the Goji Juice in any store because they would have only charged me more so I found this friendly young man who sells these bottles from his garage. He told me to use a syringe and inject the Juice straight up my butt. It has not helped me with the problems but I have grown addicted to the buzz and rush this process gives me and now I don’t want to stop. I am happy I have intestinal problems because it gives me reason to shoot Goji Juice up my butt hole twice a day. I have also started selling Goji Juice to share my joy and experience with other people who are willing to pay the extremely disproportional price of this juice. A lot of times I try and share my joy with people by trying to sell them Goji Juice but they will tell me to stick my bottles where the sun doesn’t shine. But I am already doing that. That is what I find enjoyment in but they are not listening to me and seem to be missing the point. It is their loss because people like me continue to be pleased with Goji Juice and the benefits it brings to me living a fuller and more enjoyable life.”
– Mr. S. Hole.

Things run better on Goji!

“After attending a meeting held by Goji distributors I bought a few bottles to see if it would have any effect at all. The honest and ehtical sales representatives told me everything runs better on Goji. I had severe doubts at first and highly sceptical of the claims. Yet I did found myself parting with a stack of $20 bills. I didn’t really want to buy so many bottles but the sales people were so kind and helpful and it was awfully hard to refuse. On my way home I discovered my car wouldn’t start because the engine had blown something. The engine hadn’t been fine for a while but then I remembered what the sales people told me and as if a miracle happened I poured Goji Juice into the tank of the car. It took a few attempts to start it but it has never ran so fine before. These days I don’t travel much because running on Goji is so much more expensive than fuel. But the car feels happy and that makes me feel better.”
– Mr. F. Mustang di Pirelli

THE TRUTH AND FINAL ANALYSIS

If you have read this far on the page you will have either done so because you were mildly amused by the humor displayed here or because you are truly naive enough to have believed any one of the testimonials above. In case you have believed one or more then let us explain to you that all of the testimonials above are completely and utterly FAKE. They are WHOLEY UNTRUE and are aimed at showing you the silly nature of Goji Juice sales based on, often fully anonymous, written testimonials that are unsubstantiated and can not be verified.

If you think about it, the FAKE testimonials listed here are not so very different from the ones used by Goji Juice distributors except that ours are a bit more silly and a little more extreme. However, they both share a common basis; You shouldn’t believe everything people write.